stop being so modest!

 I recently read an article (via @PAMGRIER on twitter) about taking credit when it's due instead of giving it away:  Why You Need To Brag More (and How To Do It) by Dr. Peggy Drexler.

This really resonates with me because I've erred that way too many times, sometimes with unexpected and unfortunate results.

Of course I still believe strongly in giving credit where it's deserved, even trying to remember to put photographer's names on my own dance photos in my extensive archive (it's not easy after all these years!). Other ways dancers give due credit is by mentioning who they have learned from; and often when teaching, we will even include the specific teacher or dancer who taught a certain move - who hasn't heard of "Soheir Zaki hips" or the "Dina hip circle"? I also credit my former troupe with helping in the creation of the group improv format "Tribal Odyssey Bellydance", because working out the details DID require having real bodies dancing in real time. And of course in class I also mention which moves were developed by Miramar, who helped create the format. Maybe it's because I'm a visual learner, but often I can even remember not only the teacher, but also the surroundings when I first learned a move - for instance, whether it was my teacher's studio, or at a particular workshop.
Do you find yourself remembering learning moves like this too? It's funny how much I remember about dance considering my memory isn't that great in other areas! At least it makes it easy to pass on the creative "dance credits" to my students and helps teach respect for our bellydance lineage. But I wonder if I need to toot my own horn a bit more?

I love being a "team player" and sharing creative projects with others, but giving away too much undeserved credit and then expecting to be treated fairly in return doesn't seem to work. The recipients of the "free credit" can actually come to believe they deserve it; and a real and factual accounting of the situation can even lead to a fight over rights. I imagine this sometimes happens in troupes, and helps bring on their demise. Certainly, bringing financial considerations into the picture is a sure-fire way to test whether everyone has a clear mental accounting of the facts - or not.

In examining why I've tended to over-credit sometimes, I think my concern for people's feelings - that they feel included, appreciated, and important - is behind it. As I look back on these situations, I see that I've shortchanged myself; perhaps hoping that my gesture would be accepted gratefully and create "warm fuzzies". Could it even be seen as patronizing on my part to do this? Maybe so, but it really comes from a desire to be kind. However, the old adage that people don't value things that are free seems to hold true in this case too - as my husband would say in his rustic way, being "too kind" can come back and bite you in the ass!

Experience can be a hard, unpleasant teacher, but it does teach well. Now I'm learning to honor myself by NOT "giving away" credit when it's unfounded. Like the article says, if we own up to our mistakes, why wouldn't we do the the same for our victories?

Stealing choreography is anathema in the dance world, and it does happen; but outright theft is not the same as delusional thinking, which is what undue credit seems to engender in the recipient. When you look at it like that, it's really not a good gift at all, is it? So stop being so modest and feeding someone else's ego - you're just creating a monster!

I'm sure taking due credit is something many of you struggle with too; according to the article, it's more prevalent in women. It's a trap I can fall into if I'm not careful - maybe I'm afraid I won't find a balance, and will become one of those empty braggarts (brag-arts!). I'd almost rather stay unnoticed. How do you feel about taking credit and giving credit - is it easy to find a balance?

Anthea / Kawakib
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